Tuesday, November 19, 2013

working as a team....there is no I in team but there is a U in suck

OK...we are doing so much better...Hubby and I.

No, we are not great.

We are 1 year into dealing with the new demands in our life.

We have changed positions in our family. 

He is the parent that is supposed to be more flexible with time, be the Mom.  Be the one with the part time job, be the one that drops everything when the kids are sick,....Be the Mom.  You know Mom's, they do it all.

I am the one with the consistent job.  Set hours.  I am the...NOT THE MOM person.

I am frustrated.

We both took a mandated parent training class that would enable us to receive a behavior therapist in our home to help us work with Nash.  We could not attend the same class at the same time because it was out of town, a very long day and who was going to take care of Nash?  So, we went 2 different weekends, to 2 different places, taught by 2 different teachers...but the same class.

Hubby came home saying it was a waste, didn't learn much except that we both suck as parents.

I came home inspired, feeling supported, understood for the hardest crap we have been going thru and motivated to do more and try new ways of doing things.

Betcha saw this coming  :)

So, I have been trying new things, finding ways to motivate Nash to do things differently.  Being more consistent with our daily script.

Hubby and I even sat together for 2 hours discussing the class, how we were going to implement what we learned.  We were both there...but one of us had his head in a different game.

Last week when I saw my personal therapist, I was angry.  Angry that Hubby is still...yes STILL not getting it.  He is the one with the BA...not me.   My therapist sees that I have made strides backing off, not controlling everything and letting Hubby be a partner.  And told me to let HIM handle things on his own...not just dictate and expect him to follow. 

So, it has been over a week that Hubby is now in charge of helping Nash to make the necessary steps to be able to walk to his class from the drop off point in front of the school.  It is a long drawn out list of steps and dates with which to to make each step with a success date of mid_January.  Yes, I was controlling it.  So, I told my Hubby...he was in charge.  He could do it however he saw fit.

He is blowing it...BIG TIME.  But, I am keeping my mouth shut because....I want him to be successful.  I want Nash to be successful.

Tonight Hubby asks me for some advise on how things are going.  I try really hard...with out being an asshole....to explain how this is not working.  That you can't tell Nash that he has to get to point Z....without going thru each step...many times.  Points A, B, C, D, E and on have to be done every time.  He can't remember.  He simply can't. 

I do not know how to make Hubby understand.  I can NOT step in.  I have to watch this shit hit the wall.  This sucks.