Tuesday, May 28, 2013

trying to be not a "Mommy" Mom...failed

My 15 1/2 year old daughter is preparing for Middle College. At the first meeting with all of the new parents and students....I was told that I am to start treating my child as if she were an adult.  I can not make her decisions for her.  I can NOT find out any information about anything she is doing at the college...because in all intents and purposes...she is an adult.

Last week she sat with NOT the counselor assigned to help students choose their classes for the Fall semester.  Sophie came home telling me that her NOT counselor thought it would be a really great idea to take a night class her first time at a college.  6PM to 9PM.

When I was told...I did NOT flip out.  I told Sophie that I thought having a 5 hour break and being at the college at night was a bad idea.  Asked her how she thought she was going to get home at 9pm in the evening?  She is 15....and will still be 15 when she starts in the Fall.

We have tried to learn how to drive but the motivation is not there.  At this point, she really does not want to learn.  I get it...I didn't either.

So, how will she be getting home from a 9PM class?  Hum.......  The bus does not run that late.  Mommy is on the other side of the hill and will be in her jammies at 9PM.  And what other people will be at school at 9PM?  NOT people I would like my 15 year old baby to see.

Our community college that she will be attending...at the age of 15......is a very rural place.  With trees.  BIG TREES!  And adults.  OK...men!

I have been understanding, I have asked why she needs to take this particular class at night.  Why would anyone want to take a class at night after waiting 5 hours?  What in the HELL was that counselor thinking?  I have asked Sophie....in every conceivably nice way....why this needed to happen.  Tonight during dinner I asked if I could look thru the catalog of classes to see if I could find a more appropriate class at a better time...just to help.  Maybe I have fresh eyes.

I handed her my choices.....and asked her to go to her room and "just think" about my suggestions.  Because my daughter is much like me....speaks before she thinks.  She speaks.  I ask her to please think about what she is saying and don't just "poo poo" my ideas.  She becomes a condescending person because SHE has sat with and talked with the counselors at both the high school and the college and...THEY...all know what ...THEY....are doing.

I am done.  I am tired of treating my baby as if she is an adult.  She is not.  She is and always has been 1 year behind her peers and yet looks like she is ahead of them.  Most are shocked when they hear her age.  She is MY BABY.  And it is now time to be a MOMMY!

Sophie starts to explain that this is what her counselor set up and she was fine with it.  So, I look my baby in the eyes....and say....THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY MY BABY WILL BE ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS AT NIGHT!  The counselor that helped her make this decision will be getting a phone call because she did a very bad counseling job with my child.  And the other counselors had better step up and help me correct this because this is stupid! 

What kind of person can think it is appropriate for a 15 year old to be on campus...at night!?!?!?!?!?  Her first year ever being anywhere.

So, I cried.  I finally just looked at Sophie and said....THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY!  THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN!  OVER MY DEAD BODY!  Sophie is a nice child.  She never wants to get in anyone's way or cause someone to have to do more than they should.  Sophie tells me that this is done...and she will live with it.  Oh, my little precious  :)

This is MY JOB!

In the morning...every counselor will be called that was SUPPOSED to counsel my child...and those that DID counsel my child.  And this will be taken care of.  Thank you very much.  There will be hoops to jump and papers to change...and I will be nice and accommodating.  But, next time...they will think twice before they encourage a 15 year old to take a night class.

In the Fall....they can lecture me on letting her be an adult....not now!

1 comment:

  1. I'm dying to know what happened. I completely agree with you. And... by LAW... YOU are responsible for her, until she turns 18. By LAW, you are to provide education (and transportation to that education) to her until she turns at least 18. And then... you have another child (age 7) who will be asleep by 9pm, and WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO DRAG A KID OUT INTO THE NIGHT? Counselors only look at goals and numbers, not whole-family situations. This needs to be changed. I hope it worked out for you. Looking for an updated post.

    I found you through your organizational post on Mama Kat, but... I like your writing and am interested in your journey. I hope to see more soon.